Gisella Perl was forced to work as a doctor in Auschwitz concentration camp during the holocaust.
She was ordered to report ever pregnant women do the physician Dr. Josef Mengele, who would then use the women for cruel experiments (e.g. vivisections) before killing them.
She saved hundreds of women by performing abortions on them before their pregnancy was discovered, without having access to basic medical supplies. She became known as the “Angel of Auschwitz”.
After being rescued from Bergen-Belsen concentration camp she tried to commit suicide, but survived, recovered and kept working as a gynecologist, delivering more than 3000 babies.
I want to nail this to the forehead of every anti-abortionist who uses the word “Holocaust” when talking about legal abortions.
Anonymous asked: I'm planning on killing myself on Tuesday. So there's that?
I just looked at my statcounter and it says that you live in a town close to me, so I’m scared that I know you and I’m also scared that I don’t. I’m scared that this is the only chance anyone has been given to reach out to you and try to convince you to stay, and I’m sorry if nobody else ever has tried. The reality of this hits too close to home and whether or not I do know you, I’m going to talk to you right now like you are my best friend. Because you are somebody’s somebody. You know that, don’t you? Even when they’re angry with you or they get busy and don’t talk to you for some time, you are their person. So I’m going to talk to you like you’re my person and I want you to believe that I am your person. I know that life gets so awful that you feel like you really can’t do anything anymore and that it’d be best to just leave the whole world behind, but that’s not how it is supposed to be. It’s really not. And I know that when you feel this way and it gets to the point where you don’t feel like there is any real reason to stay, think of the people who care about you. And I know people care about you. Even if you feel so so alone, there will be people who won’t know what to do with themselves if you leave. I know that the choice to commit suicide doesn’t have anything to do with anybody else, but the action does. The action is connected to everybody who has ever loved you and everybody who loves you right now. That is enough for me to never do it. It’s hard to see a better future when you’re stuck like this and it’s hard to remember the beautiful things that have already happened too. I’m sorry if your life is so unbearable right now that you feel like the only way to escape is to end it. I need you to know that that’s just not true. I need you to know that not only can things change but they will. You don’t have believe me right now, you just need to hold on until you see it. Feel whatever it is that you’re feeling but please don’t do anything to yourself because of it. Take a warm shower and sob and lay on the floor and stare at your skin and sob some more, but get up. Open your window and try to feel the air, try to breathe. Please don’t end your life. Talk to somebody who can help you. I need you to do that. If not for yourself, do it for me. Give it a shot. Because I care about you. Whether I know you personally or not, now you are a part of my life and I am not okay with you leaving this world. Now you matter to me. If you feel that you didn’t have a person who wanted you to stay, now you do. I want you to stay and I want you to really live because you can. And I want to help you and take you places and let you breathe and feel alive again. I want you to cry and be scared and I want to you face things and smile because you did it. You can make it. You can really fucking make it. I thought I would never get out. I thought the only way was to end it and I would just lie there literally paralyzed with fear. I would lie there for months and I didn’t drive anywhere because I was afraid of what I’d do if I got in the car. I just went through this again a month ago. I woke up and I cried. I got in the shower and I sobbed and stared at my hands and didn’t touch anything and I got out of the shower. I promised myself I’d get dressed and make it to work. Then I promised myself I’d make it through the 20 minute drive on the freeway. Horrible thoughts, but I made sure they would remain only thoughts. Then I went to work. Then I came home. Then I sat on my roof and watched a storm come in. Then I felt and I kept feeling and I’d walk at night in the middle of the bad parts of the city hoping that somebody would do something to me just so I wouldn’t have to be the one to do it, because it would be easier on my family if they thought that I didn’t want it to happen. But I’d turn around and go home and sleep instead. And it got better and it is still getting better. Life isn’t always easy but it is beautiful. So please sleep. Please eat food and force yourself to do things you used to enjoy, even if you can’t enjoy them right now. You will enjoy them again. You will do so much again and the whole world will be yours. Somebody asked me why life was worth living because they couldn’t come up with anything so I said this:
Sunrises. Waking up next to your best friend in her tiny bed. Waking up alone in a tent. The taste of green tea on a hot day. Shaving your head and laughing. The comfortable silence between yourself and another being. A field full of wildflowers hidden behind crappy buildings. Notes from middle school. Climbing sand dunes, even if you were falling on the way up. Walking away from the people who hurt you. The way the earth looks after it rains. Hot sand under your bare feet. When a cat sits on your lap instead of the laps of the other 8 people in the room. Buying a dress in a vintage shop you saw 4 years ago but couldn’t get then. Getting naked in places you aren’t allowed to get naked in. The feeling you get when you beat an anxiety attack. Making love. Fucking. Moving into your own apartment for the first time. Finishing a piece of art. When someone says, “this reminds me of you.” Meeting a person who feels the same way you do about the world, knowing you’re not as alone as you thought you were. Eye contact with a beautiful stranger. Changing your mind about something you thought you knew your whole life. 2 am walks in the city. The rush you feel driving through an intense thunderstorm. Laughing so hard you pretty much pee your pants. Family events you don’t want to go to that make you feel surprisingly thankful. Letters in the mail. Getting so full you have to unbutton your pants. A good night’s sleep after 14 nights of depression keeping you up. Not failing a test. Forgiving others. Forgiving yourself. When someone says, “I’m proud of you.” Telling someone how much you love them. Laying in bed with a friend drinking wine and reading poetry. Getting lost in cornfields with your favorite music blasting through your speakers. When you finally get the courage to say how you feel. Drunken nights full of people you don’t know spilling their entire lives to you. Buying a used book that has underlined sentences. The boxes you find full of pictures of people who passed away. 3 hour phone calls with someone you used to love. The feeling of cool sheets against your bare feet. Sunsets.
That is my list. These are the things that have made me so thankful for sticking around. These are the things that have happened since I decided I deserved to be alive. And since I wrote that list, I have had so many more experiences to add to it. Maybe that list means nothing to you, but it means the world to me. And I hope that you can write your own when you start to see the small things in your own life that are breathing for you. Everything is breathing for you. I want you to know that and feel that. Your entire life will be full of things meant just for you.
So you are my person and I am your person. I love you, whether I know you or not, I love you. And I feel you from here and my heart aches for you. We all have our fucked up shit that we think is unbearable and unchangeable but neither of those are true. You have survived this far and you will survive through this. You have the power to change your life and to say no, to say yes, to forgive people, to forgive yourself more importantly, to forgive over and over again, to let go of the past, to let go of today, to let go of the tomorrow you had planned, to embrace the new things that are coming for you, to smile, to cry, to laugh, to FEEL, to exist, to sleep, to wake up and wake up again and again and again. You are loved in this moment and you will be loved tomorrow and for the rest of your life and more love is coming to you. I want you to stay for it. I want you to stay for all of it. Please talk to somebody. Please call a hotline. Please call a therapist. Please get help because I want you here and I want you to stay. So badly. You deserve to even if you feel like you don’t. I’m sorry if the things that have happened make you feel like you don’t deserve a good life and that you think it isn’t possible to have. Please stay.